Understanding the Female Orgasm

When it comes to the female orgasm, most guys are confused. The female body is a complicated thing and most men would give their right arms for a road map of their girlfriends' most puzzling parts.

What is a female orgasm?

What happens in a woman's body during a climax is very like what happens in a male body when they ejaculate. In other words, there's a feeling of increasing excitement, building up to a point where everything 'blows' in a great blast of ecstasy. Orgasm is the point at which all sexual tension is suddenly released in a series of involuntary and pleasurable muscular contractions that may be felt in the vagina and/or uterus (although some women experience orgasms without contractions).

A typical woman's orgasm lasts much longer than that of a man. It is preceded by erection of the clitoris and moistening of the opening of the vagina. During orgasm the body stiffens and the sex organs undergo a series of rhythmic contractions, occurring almost every 0.8 seconds. Most women find these contractions very pleasurable.

Multiple Orgasms

Most women will have one orgasm, and then they'll need to take a long break - stop or reduce sex play - before the next one. But some women can have several in a row - they can have multiple orgasms. This ability is extremely rare in males.

How do women have orgasms?

For men perhaps the most important thing to realise about female climaxes is that with women, it's not a mechanical thing – as it generally is with men.

Only about a third of women experience orgasm regularly during intercourse. A third can reach orgasm with intercourse but need extra stimulation. A third never achieve orgasm during intercourse but can by manual and oral stimulation. Having orgasms by means other than intercourse is a normal variation of female sexuality. Laboratory studies in the 1960's showed that an orgasm is an orgasm no matter which way you obtain it. How a woman reaches an orgasm has nothing to do with her mental health or emotional maturity.

For starters, almost any type of sexual stimulation can lead to orgasm. A woman can have an orgasm through intercourse, oral sex, or anal sex; manual stimulation of the vulva by her partner; body rubbing ("dry humping"); or masturbation. Some women can even have orgasms just by touching their breasts or by fantasizing about sex.

For many women, the contact has to be much more direct — right on the genitals — and in a regular, rhythmic pattern. Stimulation of two major parts of the genitals can cause a woman to have an orgasm: the clitoris (which is a part of the vulva) and the vagina. A woman can have an orgasm through stimulation of just her clitoris, just her vagina, or both. But most women have orgasms through stimulation of the clitoris.

What can women do?

• Relax and focus on enjoying the process, not on whether or not you will have an orgasm.
• Learn to enjoy and feel comfortable with your sexuality. Your current inability to have an orgasm is not a reflection of your femininity, your psychological or emotional health. Putting yourself down just makes it that much more difficult.
• If you or your partner are doing something pleasurable, encourage your mate to continue.
• Communicate with your partner your preferences when it comes to sex. Your partner cannot read your mind.
• Some women have trouble concentrating during sex. If that is the case, you may wish to fantasize, i.e., thinking about something sexual may excite you and may reduce negative emotions. If you feel that you are very close to achieving an orgasm, alternate tightening and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. This may sometimes trigger a real orgasm.

What can men do?

Here's what to do if you want to bring your partner to orgasm regularly:

• Don't be in a rush.
• Talk to your partner, and ask her what she wants you to do to her.
• Make sure that everything is comfortable and nice for her.
• Always create a romantic atmosphere.
• Don't be too demanding – it's not an Olympic event.
• Give her lots of kisses and cuddles before you even think about making any approach to her sexual area.
• Remember that stimulation of the clitoris is the key to female orgasm.

You can definitely increase the likelihood of orgasm by keeping your love life as varied as possible. Each woman has different preferences for the ways in which she likes to be stimulated.