The concept of becoming a daddy sure is fascinating. However, the initial months following a baby's arrival become very taxing for the "new-born parents." As more and more men are getting actively involved in this phase of their lives (Contrary to previous, when men were the breadwinners and women looked after the house and hearth), daddies are also feeling postpartum stress. This stress can be sometimes so overwhelming that they are unable to cope with it.
According to a new analysis published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, about 10% of fathers experience postpartum depression. Paulson examined 43 studies involving 28,000 participants. New and expectant dads in the United States had depression twice as much as other dads. The findings are published in a special JAMA edition focusing on mental health.
How to Tackle New Daddy Stress
Some lifestyle modification can be incorporated to reduce the stress experienced by new and expectant dads. We will look at some sources of stress and tips to reduce them:
- New Responsibility: This little bundle of joy brings with it many responsibilities like feeding timings, diaper changes etc, which the new daddy may find difficult to cope. Added to this, the constant crying of the baby and the disorder that prevails at home may overwhelm him.
Tip: It is a good idea to help out at home from the start of the pregnancy itself. Start taking household responsibilities and other daily activities like washing utensils, helping your spouse in cooking, cleaning the house, etc. This way, by the time the baby arrives, you would have got used to doing many chores at home. Also, you could take the help of a relative during the initial months or an outside housekeeping assistance to keep the house clean. - Inability to Spend Time With the Newborn: Fathers may find it difficult to spend as much time with their newborn as they wish.
Tip: Nowadays, some companies are offering paternity leave for the new Daddy. Make use of that. Or else, check if a part time or "work from home" option can be worked out. - Financial Burden: The newborn baby comes with a whole new list of things to be bought. Keeping a nanny or caregiver also adds up to the expenses. Since you have decided that your partner will not work for 2 to 3 years, you become the sole breadwinner. This adds to the stress.
Tip: Planning when to have your baby and keeping aside a corpus for this phase of your life helps ease this tension. - Disrupted Sleep: This is unavoidable during the initial period. Babies usually get up 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night and want to be fed or "diaper changed."
Tip: This can be tackled by sleeping at different hours from that of your partner. For example: Your partner can sleep in a different room from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. while you are in the baby's room ready with the milk bottle (if the baby is being bottle fed - breast milk removed with the help of pumping). Then, from 2 a.m. to 7 a.m. you can sleep in the other room, while your partner is with the baby. This way, whatever sleep you are getting will be a "quality sleep", and you will feel rested in the morning. - No or Less Time With Your Partner: The newborn baby demands a lot of time from both the parents. Therefore, it is inevitable that you are unable to spend quality time with your partner. This invariably leads to stress. Previously, you used to discuss each and everything with each other, but now, no time to listen!
Tip: Entrust the care of your baby to relatives or caretakers (maybe 3 to 4 hours at a stretch once in a week) to steal some time away from home. Plan a private dinner or a long drive, where you can talk to your partner. Don't take friends or relatives with you. Remember, this is your private time! If you cannot entrust your baby with anyone, then it is a good idea to teach your baby independence. Let the baby sleep in a separate room from the beginning. This way you can be with your partner in the other room while keeping an eye on your baby through audio or video monitors. - No Sex!: The first 1 or 2 months goes without sex (as per doctor's advice), and this could cause some stress in new daddies. Also, your partner will be so exhausted with all this that she can only think of sleeping when she sees the bed.
Tip: Patience is a virtue here. Allow your partner to come out off the physical and emotional turmoil of childbirth. Motivate her to talk about what she feels. Also, some amount of hugging and cuddling helps.
Some other tips that help you overcome the stress of this period:
- Play with the baby
- Get actively involved in baby care
- Discuss with each other about your feelings
- Discuss the trials of fatherhood with other new daddies
A baby changes the whole dynamics of a household. It is not without reason that babies are called "bundle of joy" It is up to you to turn the minor tensions associated with parenthood to your advantage.
