Self esteem is the image one forms about oneself over a long period of time. Building of this self image starts in childhood and is dependent on what he hears about himself from others. A small child blindly believes whatever his parents tell him. As he grows up and goes to school, a remark here, a reprimand there, everything adds up to create the image he is having about himself. Development of self esteem (whether high or low) depends on the inputs he has received from others and his own reinforcements about these.
Thus, if a child has grown up hearing compliments, encouraging words, criticism put across in a broadminded way, he is most likely to develop into a well-rounded personality with high self esteem. On the other hand, if a child is brutally criticized and reprimanded and never given any credit for his small (but significant for him) achievements, he is likely to grow up believing he is not worth anything and will have a very low self esteem.
Characteristics of Low Self Esteem
If you observe a person with low self esteem closely, you will see one or more of the following characteristics:
- Very low self confidence
- Self critical
- Inability to accept compliments gracefully
- Anxiety and emotional turmoil
- Eating disorders
- Self neglect
- Reluctance to take challenges
- Decision making difficulties
Personality Disorders Stemming From a Low Self-Esteem
- Anxiety Attacks: If a person having low self esteem is faced with a challenging (note that this situation may not be challenging from normal standards, but could be quite challenging for him) situation, he could have anxiety attacks. Frequent anxiety attacks will interfere with his normal functioning.
- Stress: People having low self esteem get stressed out easily. As a result, developing stress-related diseases like heart diseases later in life is a possibility.
- Alcohol Abuse: In order to divert their attention away from their incapability, people having a low self esteem tend to resort to binging on alcohol. This way, they can forget their woes temporarily. But this becomes a habit, and they are unable to get out of it!
- Weight Gain: Like alcohol, food becomes a diversion, and people with low self esteem derive temporary satisfaction. This frequent binging leads to weight gain.
- Weight Loss: On the other end of the pendulum are people with low self esteem who often stay obsessed with their problem to the extent that they lose interest in eating. Also, they may become abnormally concerned with their looks and may develop eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia.
- Other Addictions: People with low self esteem sometimes fall prey to other diversions like drug abuse, sex, etc. Sadly, they get addicted and find themselves unable to come out of it.
- Criminal Tendencies: In some extreme cases, people having low self esteem turn to criminal activities. Their desire to feel powerful could be the reason for this or could be venting out their suppressed anger. Thus, low esteem is also bad for others health!
Bringing Up Children With High Self-Esteem
Like charity, building a normal personality begins at home. Personality of an individual begins to take shape in the childhood, so the onus of the parents is a huge one. A little care and alertness during this phase goes a long way in developing strong individuals and a good society. Some tips:
- Be a Good Listener: In this fast-paced life, it is often difficult to devote time for your children. However, it is important to devote some time for your children on a daily basis. Leave all your work (even mentally) and sit down with your kid and talk to him as you would talk to an adult, and for heaven's sake, don't fake it. Really listen.
- Praise Your Child: Your child may come to you for your approval of his craft project or some good essay he wrote in class. Praise your child for his work, but don't overdo it.
- Don't Compare: Parents often compare one child with another or the neighbor's child with the intention that your child will raise his bars to match up. However, this invariably misfires and leads to an inferiority complex in the child concerned.
- Don't Criticize: Harsh criticism always brings adverse results. If at all you want to criticize, do it in a neutral tone choosing the right words. There is more than one way to say the same things!
- Be a Role Model: Children usually don't listen to advice as much as they observe you and try to imitate you. So, be a role model for them.
Self-help Tips for Building a High Self-Esteem
- Understand Your Strengths and Limitations: Work towards building on your strengths.
- Meditate: Meditation helps transform your negative feelings to positive ones.
- Give Yourself a Pep Talk: At the start of the day, repeat positive assertions like "I am confident," "I am going to do great in the test" etc. This will help uplift your frame of mind.
Eliminating personality disorders go a long way in building a healthy society. Help your children grow up as self-confident individuals and help build strong societies.
